All alright
by Arriane.Isobel
Summary: Merlin slowly slips away after his break up with Arthur, and really, when did his life ever go right? Modern AU.


It's over, finally. Merlin sighed as he packed the last of his boxes into his car. There wasn't much, he let Arthur keep most of the shared stuff; it was technically his apartment, after all.

"Got everything?" Arthur asked, staring impassively at the four boxes.

"This is it"

"If I find anything else – "

"Burn it, sell it, curse it, I don't care"

Arthur's eyes widened in shock for a moment, then corrected himself and went back to looking bored, a look that Merlin knew all too well. Turning on his heels, Arthur walked back into their apartment, _his_ apartment.

The only thing that Merlin could afford now was a grotty little one bedroom apartment in downtown London. It was only five tube stops away from work, so he supposed it had some positives, well, a positive.

The drive to his new place was fairly long, and anxiety settled in his stomach as he pulled into the run down car park. He shuddered as he kicked a used needle out the way.

Fishing the keys out his pocket, he let himself into his new home. Looking around, it was smaller than he was used to, but the rent was dirt cheap, so he couldn't complain, and the place came furnished, although furnished meant a pea green dusty sofa, a rotting wardrobe, and a single bed with one of the legs missing, he still wasn't complaining.

Merlin unpacked his clothes into the wardrobe, and stacked his books neatly against the wall. He'd need to buy a bookshelf, when he went shopping next, along with plates and cups and all other necessary cutlery.

He took a walk down to the corner shop to buy a pot noodle and beer, only to get home and realise he didn't have a kettle. He laughed and threw himself onto the rickety bed, wandering when his life became a universal joke.

He wandered about Arthur, how he was doing. Probably better off now, without Merlin sponging off him. The thought was bitter, but true. Merlin's job paid next to nothing, Arthur had always been the one who earned the money, and he claimed he didn't care, but Merlin didn't believe him. Maybe that's where they went wrong.

Things had gone downhill about a year after they moved in together. Arthur had become distant, and Merlin was too persistent. In all his nagging and moaning, he realised one day that it was him that was the problem. Arthur hadn't denied it, they'd argued, Arthur had confessed all. He just didn't love him anymore, he wanted him out. Merlin had looked for a new place, and was here a week later. Sadly, that's all there was to it. After three years together, Arthur simply didn't want him anymore. There was probably someone else, a younger model.

It was lonely, without Merlin. Lonelier than he thought he'd be. For all the time he wished Merlin would just _go away_, he never thought he'd miss him like he did, like he'd lost a part of him.

His friends came around daily, Lance and Gwen bringing him meals, and Gwaine was a constant source of alcohol and amusement, which he was always grateful for.

They'd all took his side, as he thought they would. In their eyes, Merlin had just up and left. He didn't tell them that he'd driven him out. In this case, it was easier to play the victim than the villain.

Sitting in the pub, a month after Merlin had gone, he listen carefully to all the conversations going on around him, listening if anyone said anything about Merlin. He only wanted to know if he was okay, of he'd found a decent place to live, if he was getting by.

A little voice in his head told him that Merlin got paid pennies; he wasn't going to find anywhere good for the amount he was able to pay.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Leon asked, handing him another bottle of beer.

"Just thinking" He shrugged, swigging his beer.

"About?" Leon prompted, raising an eyebrow

"Merlin" Arthur confessed sheepishly.

The table quietened considerably. Everyone turning to look at him with various shades of bitterness or sympathy. He noticed Lance look down, looking guilty.

"What?" He asked him, dreading the answer.

"You know as a police officer, you have certain areas on a high alert for drug crimes and violence?" Lance said miserably.

"I suppose you do" Arthur stomach plummeted.

"Well, Merlin's block of flats is on that list, well, it _is_ that list.

"Oh"

"Yeah, but I'm sure he's fine, really." He looked unconvinced, and Gwen bit her lip, staring at the table.

"It's Merlin, he's always fine" Arthur said bitterly, downing his beer.

He'd saved up this time to buy a bookshelf from IKEA, which, in retrospect, could have been spent on a new bed, but he wanted a bookshelf. The walls were damp and he needed to protect his books. The instructions were clear enough, but really, when was his life ever straightforward? Three hours and a six pack of beer later, the bookcase was finally up. Grinning, he patted the side enthusiastically, when the case gave of an ominous creek and collapsed into a noisy pile of useless wood on the floor.

The neighbours banged on the wall. "Oi, keep it down fag, some of us are trying to fucking deal"

Well, at least someone was making progress. He stared at the bookshelf, and then at his inhaler. The damp and the dust had done nothing for his already bad chest, and his inhaler was already nearly empty. But, he decided that he'd already paid for the bookshelf, another month without his inhaler probably wouldn't hurt him, and if it did, at least his books were protected. He brought another six pack of beer from the shops, and started fresh with the bookshelf.

Sitting opposite Morgana in the high class coffee shop, Arthur trembled. His half sister was scary at the best of times, but now she was eerily calm, sipping her coffee and nibbling a pastry.

"So, Morgana, is there a particular reason you've graced me with your presence?"

Morgana glared over her cup. "Don't be smart. Father's been asking after you, wants to know why you've suddenly decided to spend all your time at work and no time whatsoever at home, trouble in paradise?" She smirked.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I thought father would have been happy"

"Oh, he's delighted, I'm just curious"

"Well, since you asked so nicely, Merlin left"

Morgana's eyebrows flew into her hairline. "What did you _do_?"

"What do you mean what did _I_ do?" Arthur half laughed.

"Well you obviously did something to make him leave. When are you going to realise that he's the best thing that ever happened to you?"

"He left me, Morgana. Not the other way around"

Morgana stared at him, her icy eyes cutting into him.

"I may have driven him away, but I never thought, I never knew – Morgana, I didn't think I'd miss him like this. And everyone just looks at me like I'm a puppy that's been kicked because he left me and all I can think about if how I made him leave, and it been nearly two months, I don't know where he lives, I sent him a text and he didn't reply, He hasn't picked up the phone to anyone, he's gone, Morgana, and there's nothing I can do about"

"You're an idiot, Arthur, truly"

"I know, Morgs, I know".

It was true, no one had seen or heard off Merlin since he'd packed up his stuff and gone. Gwen had tried to phone him several times, but he didn't pick up, or the phone went straight to answer phone. Same had happened to Gwaine, who was Merlin's best friend in the group.

At this point, Arthur had given up, and let Leon set him up on a date.

And the date went well. Mithian was beautiful and intelligent and funny and hell, she was Uther approved, but she wasn't what he wanted.

It had been six months, and Merlin had successfully fixed his bed when he got the phone call from uncle Gaius. His mother was ill, gravely ill. He had to get to Ealdor as quickly as possible.

He wasted no time. Packing his clothes and books, he dialled Gwaine's number.

"Merlin, mate!" Gwaine answered cheerfully.

"Gwaine, I need a favour, Can you get to mine, now?"

"Of course, you alright?" Gwaine asked sceptically.

"No, I just need you to get here before I go" He rallied his address, and hung up before Gwaine could reply.

It took him fifteen minutes to pack his stuff. Gwaine got to him in just over twenty minutes.

"Gwaine, great" Merlin let him in, and Gwaine looked around the empty flat with ill disguised disgust.

"Merlin, what's going on?"

"Look, I know we haven't spoken in a while, but" He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. But there's a box there with Arthurs stuff in it, I need you to drop it off to him. There's a box with a couple of plates and cups and mugs and stuff in, I won't need them. Sell them, give them to charity or something, The landlord's coming tomorrow to pick up the keys, I need all my stuff out"

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Does it matter?" Merlin looked at him, eyes glistening with sadness.

"Of course it matters!" Gwaine half shouted. "You just left, you didn't explain to anyone why you were leaving, Arthur's baffled, he's heartbroken! And know you're here, in this shitty run down place asking me to help you clear out your shit so you can run away again!"

"I'm not running away, and I'm sure Arthur's not nearly as heartbroken as he seems, after all, he was the one who didn't want me anymore"

"Look, mate, let's just talk about this, where are you going?"

"Back to Ealdor, I need you not to tell anyone that I've gone, okay." 

"I don't like this" Gwaine protested

Merlin sighed. "My mother's ill, she's in hospital. She's got maybe another week? I need to up there, I need to sort everything out, and I need you not to tell anyone, now will you help me or do I need to ask the drug lord next door to help me?"

"God no" Gwaine's eyes widened "I'll help you, I'll just miss you, I have missed you"

Merlin pulled him in for a hug. "I miss you too, just, take care of yourself, okay? And Gwen and Lance and Arthur and everyone, I miss you all, get Arthur royally pissed and tell him to be happy for once in his life."

With that, Merlin was gone, leaving Gwaine standing alone with a box saying 'Arthurs stuff' and a box saying 'shit I don't need'.

Gwaine loaded the stuff into the back of his car, keeping himself alert, the whole place made him feel on edge, and he'd rather not have a run in with a druggie, thank you very much.

He knocked on Arthurs door, thinking that he probably should have called ahead, until the door opened.

"I come bearing gifts" He smirked, pushing past Arthur.

"I wish you wouldn't, my liver can't take it."

"It's not alcohol, I don't think, it's from Merlin, the stuff he took to his new place, it's yours, apparently" Gwaine shrugged

Arthur frowned and opened the box, then smiled softly.

"What is it?"

Arthur pulled out a tacky purple teddy. "It's Patrick, I won it for Merlin on our first date, I didn't think he'd have kept it"

"Well he did, what else is in there?"

"Just some of my books and DVD's, why did he send them back with you?"

Gwaine scratched his head and looked out the window. "You know, you have a lovely view from your window, I always admire a good view of the park, bet it's lovely in winter with a good Irish coffee"

"Gwaine?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up"

"Point taken, but just be grateful he sent it back and didn't burn it"

"I've actually got some stuff of his left here; don't suppose you could take it to him for me?"

"Erm..."

"What?"

Gwaine coughed. "He told me not to tell you"

"Tell me what?"

"I can't say"

"For god's sake, Gwaine"

"He told me to take care of you; he wants you to be happy"

Arthur swallowed. "What does that mean? Is he okay? He's not in trouble, is he?"

"He's gone away for a while, I'm sure he'll be back"

"Gone where?"

"It's really not my place to say, mate, but he'll be away for a while, so just, I think you should just, get over him, he's gone"

Merlin managed to get to Ealdor in record time. He may have broken a couple of laws to get here, but what was a couple of speeding tickets?

He made his way to the hospital, bracing himself as he walked into his mother's room. The doctor had said that the cancer was very aggressive, and had taken over very quickly, the only thing they could do at this point was make her comfortable.

He sat by her bed, taking her hand. She was fast asleep, looking pale and gaunt. This wasn't how he wanted to remember her, he wanted to remember how happy and healthy, all the times they went to the beach and got ice creams, or went to Caerphilly castle and got lost. Those were what he would remember.

The doctors had told him she wouldn't make it another week, and to spend all the time he could with her. He didn't plan on moving unless it was completely necessary.

His uncle Gaius came and sat with him about 11pm, they talked a bit, he asked about Arthur, and Merlin lied and told him he was fine, still working ridiculously hard, still a prat. Maybe it wasn't a lie; he was just leaving out the part where he wasn't around anymore.

Hunith woke up about 4am, and grinned ear to ear at her son. He felt a pang of guilt that he hadn't been around.

"How are you feeling?" Merlin asked

"I've been better" She answered honestly. "I'm tired"

"Go to sleep, I'll still be here when you wake up" Hunith nodded, and her eyes drifted shut.

When he was certain she was asleep, he buried his face in his hands and cried. Gaius hugged him as he sobbed. She didn't wake up again until late the next evening. She slept through all the doctor's visits and the tests, but she woke up in time to here the doctor say that there was less time than they thought. The cancer was just too aggressive just Hunith to take.

She went back to sleep without saying anything.

Early in the morning, she woke up for something to drink, looking pale and fragile.

"I've left you everything I've got, Merlin. It's in my will. Sort the house out, and sell it. Buy yourself a decent place, a house, this time, not an apartment; God knows you and Arthur can get a nice one between you."

Merlin nodded, and kissed her head. "I love you" he whispered. "And I'm so grateful that you've been here, that you were my mother"

"I love you too, my dear boy. Don't cry for me, you were the best thing that ever happened to me"

At 6:47am, the doctor pronounced Hunith dead, and slowly placed a blanket over her frail frame, covering her face.

He went through the motions of organising the funeral, but he was never fully there. He picked out a plain black coffin, flowers he thought she'd like, Music she'd probably like and the hymens. He found a photo of her sitting in the Garden for the funeral. He made an announcement for the paper, and slowly started to clear the house out. He thought about phoning Arthur, he missed him more than ever, missed his touch and his smile, he felt safe when Arthur was there, but now he was gone, he felt exposed.

But Arthur didn't want him anymore, he reminded himself. He had to accept that.

He spent the time in between organising the funeral at the chapel of rest with his mother, talking, keeping her up to date with snippets of gossip he overheard in the local shops, just like he would have if she were still alive.

It took him three days to notice that his phone battery was dead, and thought he ought to charge it, then shook his head. No one needed him, his mother was gone, Uncle Gaius was just down the road, there was no one else left.

The funeral turnout was larger than he expected. It seemed like the whole of Ealdor had come together dressed in black to say a final goodbye to Hunith. The reverends speech was sad and sweet, then a bridge over troubled water played as the curtain closed around the coffin, he said goodbye to his mother one final time.

He cleared out her house, keeping what was special to him, the things that held memories, things that he couldn't bear to part with. The rest went to charity. He painted the rooms' neutral colours, and fitted new carpets before putting the house on the market. He wanted a quick sale, and it didn't take long for the house to sell.

With the money from the house, he brought himself a little 2 bedroom cottage just outside of Ealdor. He got himself a job at the local pharmacy, and carried on with life, just like Hunith wanted.

The pub was roaring with life when Arthur got there, an hour later than he usually would. He made his way over to their usual table, and sat down with a pint.

"Alright, mate" Gwaine patted him on the back.

Arthur nodded, then looked over to Gwen and Lance, who looked sombre.

"What's going on?"

"Gwaine's been holding back information" Gwen said shortly, glaring at Gwaine.

"That's usually a good thing" Arthur pointed out.

"Information about Merlin" Lance said.

Arthur shook his head. "What do you mean?" He asked them.

"I was looking through some files at work, and found an obituary" Gwen said mournfully, and Arthur heart sank. Gwen pushed a piece of paper across the table to him. Arthur stared for a minute not quite comprehending the words.

EMRYS Hunith Rose passed away peacefully at 6:47am on

the 26th Of June. She will be sadly missed by her son,

Merlin and Brother Gaius. Funeral to be held at Ealdor

Crematorium 6th July at 11:00am.

Arthur glared at Gwaine. "You knew?"

"Not that she was dead, just that she was ill."

"How long?"

"I found out the day I brought all Merlin's stuff to you. He was leaving to go to Ealdor."

"That was over a month ago, this was – " He gritted his teeth. Willing himself to be calm. "You didn't think I had a right to know?"

"He asked me not to tell anyone"

"And you agreed?!" Arthur yelled. "His mother was dying, Gwaine, and he's been going through this alone! I should have been there for him, and I should be there now! I don't even knew where he is anymore!"

"Look, I'm sorry, but there wasn't that much to it! He just called me up asking for a favour, I did as he asked me to, he said that she was ill, I didn't know, mate, I didn't know." Gwaine ducked his head in shame.

"I need to find him" He stood up, grabbing his car keys off the table. He eyed his untouched pint.

"You don't know where he is" Gwen argued.

"I've got to try! He's done this all on his own, I should have been there for him"

"He left you" Gwen gently reminded him. "If he wanted you with him, he'd have stayed"

"He didn't leave, I asked him to go" With that, he walked to his, typed Ealdor into his SatNav, and drove off without a second thought.

Arthur came to realise two things while driving up the M6.

It was now 11pm, he wouldn't get to Ealdor for another two hours, and that was presuming he knew where to go when he got there. Merlin wouldn't be the friendliest at 1am.

He was tired. Very tired.

He pulled in at the service station and parked in the corner under a tree, the car was somewhat hidden, so he wouldn't be disturbed. He pushed his seat down and lay down to go to sleep.

When he woke, it was daylight, blue skies and a low morning sun graced his eyes, looking at his watch, it was 6:30; he could make Ealdor by 8:30 if he pushed. Not wasting any time, he brought a coffee and got back onto the motorway.

Ealdor was hard to get to at the best of times, with all the winding country paths and cows standing in the middle of the path. He made it into the village at just gone 9. He realised he had no idea where to go. He didn't have a clue where Merlin lived, and he only had the vaguest hint of where Hunith once lived. But if he knew Merlin, he wouldn't have stayed there.

His stomach rumbled, and he decided to go into the little bakery. Merlin had always complained that everyone always knew everyone else's business in small villages like this, Arthur hoped this was true, and that they knew where Merlin was.

Behind the counter, were two older women, with greying hair under their hairnets.

"Hello" He smiled, looking at the cakes and pastries.

The ladies smiled back, openly curious.

"Can I get a slice of your coffee cake, and that Danish looks to die for" He turned his best smile on them, and they simmered.

"Of course" One of the ladies fluttered. Bending down to cut the cake.

"Lovely day, isn't it" The other lady supplied, and Arthur could have sworn she was batting her eyelashes.

"Beautiful" Arthur smirked.

"So, what brings you to Ealdor?"

"I'm looking for a friend, maybe you lovely ladies could help me?" He said sweetly.

"Who are you looking for?"

"Merlin Emrys"

"Of course! He's not long moved back from London. Just before Hunith died, such a shame, no one saw it coming"

"Do you know where he lives?" Arthur probed.

"He's brought the cottage on Millbury Lane, Lives all by himself, he's a lovely looking lad, its shame he's gay, really."

"Not really" Arthur smirked, leaving a note on the counter, he picked up his cakes and left, leaving the women in shock.

He typed Millbury Lane into his SatNav as he ate his cake hoping the right address came up. When the robotic voice told him that he was only 15 minutes away, he took it as a win and started the car.

The cottage sat tucked away from the row of houses on the opposite side of the road. It was the type of place Merlin had always wanted, quiet and quaint and filled with character. Arthur held his breath as he knocked on the door, hoping this was the right place.

He was just about ready to give up, when he heard movement inside, someone walking down stairs. Then, the unmistakable grumble of "Half nine on a bloody Saturday, what the hell is wrong with people?"

The door swung open, and there stood Merlin, In blue Pyjama bottoms and a worn t shirt. His hair was too long and messy from sleep. He was pale and much too thin, but he was there, his Merlin.

"Arthur?"

He pulled Merlin into a hug. He was rigid for a moment, not responding, Arthur thought he was going to push him away, until he returned the hug fiercely.

"I didn't know, I never knew, I would have been here for you Merlin, I'd have come if I had known"

"You didn't know" Merlin whispered, hugging him tighter "I missed you, missed you so much"

Arthur gently pushed him back, and kicked the door shut behind him. Locking their lips together, held him in his arms, pushed against the wall. He'd missed his, missed his lips and his arms, and his smell. The list was endless. "Sorry, I'm so sorry" Arthur murmured against his lips. "I'm sorry for everything.

"It's alright" Merlin whispered. "It's all alright"

"It's not, I was awful, and you've done this all on your own."

"It's not your fault, I didn't tell you, we were over, Arthur, you don't have anything to be guilty for"

"I have everything to be guilty for."

"Arthur – "

"No, Merlin. Shut up. I'm not letting you go again, ever again"

"Okay" Merlin agreed happily, pressing his lips to Arthurs again. He'd stay like this forever if he could.


End file.
